What is a therapist’s role? How do you know if this is a good fit for you?
Several clients in the past week have said that their successes are “all because of you” [referring to me as therapist] in our sessions. I am quick to refocus this, because it simply is not true. I prefer to present it as:
A therapist shows you the doors available to you.
It is up to you to choose which and walk through.
That is it in a nutshell. A therapist acting appropriately in his/her role does not make your choices for you. S/he does not tell you what to do.
What a good therapist does is question your reasoning behind your current choices, causing you to rethink things that perhaps you had not considered. Your therapist should help you see options that you either did not see or did not consider. S/he may help you reprioritize areas of your life and help you decided what needs to be changed.
In addition, a good therapist will help you develop tools to use in daily living. Perhaps these are for organization, for example. Or to improve communication. Other skills may include self-regulation when you feel distressed.
The thing about tools taught in therapy is that you actually have to use them in your daily living. This is as much like walking through a door pointed out to you as making new choices.
A therapist is supposed to challenge you. If you only want to hear agreeable discussion or take offense when someone challenges the way you are thinking, you need a friend to just listen instead. This does not mean that therapy is not a friendly conversation! But it should involve challenging your current mode of operation. If you keep doing the same thing – how are you going to get a different outcome? Isn’t a different outcome the reason you are in therapy in the first place? You want something different?
Some times challenging you may sound like giving you orders, such as “you have to stop that” to a particular behavior to which you have been clinging. This should be backed up with tools to help you change. If your therapist is not challenging you, you may need to rethink. But your therapist should never tell you what you need to do such as leave or stay in a relationship or job situation or where to live.
Therapy is also often about support. Very often conflicting emotions are normal and we need someone to help us feel that and support us through. Grief is an area that requires and deserves a great deal of listening and support and far less challenging.
In summary, a therapist helps you see your options and supports you through making your own choices. S/he can help you create a plan to get to the destination you choose for yourself. It is then up to you to make the changes. Your therapist will be more than happy to support you in the process.
Are you ready to give it a try? Schedule your complimentary phone consultation appointment here: https://www.janetschryerdonahuetherapist.com and click on the “Schedule Now” button.
